In smaller communities such as LGBTQIA+, Non-Monogamous and BDSM / Kink, there is likely to be the potential for dual relationships to develop. Because of these small communities, crossovers between personal and professional lives can happen.
I am part of the polyamorous, queer and BDSM communities and because of this I believe I have strong credentials to work with clients from these backgrounds as not just a polyam/ BDSM / queer aware therapist but as a knowledgeable one.
These aspects of my life are important to me and are part of my personal identity.
I, like my clients, have romantic, sexual, and social needs that need to be met for me to be authentic and have meaning in my life and I believe that it is important to me to provide role-modelling for being able to live authentically this way. I also believe that it is good boundaries for clients to realise that as therapists we have a life outside of counselling, and that we are not therapists 24 hours a day.
As a therapist I always do my utmost to respect the privacy of people coming to me for therapy and to ensure a level of privacy around my own sexual, relationship, and lifestyle choices.
The following are provisional guidelines that may be altered as experience and specific client relationships develop, to ensure that I am able to work respectfully and ethically within these communities.
Confidentiality
All the usual safeguards for confidentiality and secure record keeping will be strictly adhered to.
Every client will receive a contract which explains about their rights to confidentiality, and it will identify the few exceptions that are mandated by law.
I will never out anyone’s kinky interests or activities.
If we meet in public, I will take my cue from how you acknowledge me or defer to what we have talked about and agreed on. I will acknowledge you only if you acknowledge me first. There are all kinds of ways that we may have become casually acquainted, other than our professional relationship, but if you identify me as your therapist, it will be hard for me to deny it. Of course, I will never talk about what we are working on.
I do use some dating apps and am aware that my clients may do also. If you mention an app that I am a member of, I will notify you just in case we come across each other’s profiles. I will not search for you or look at your profile other than the initial picture and will block your profile and ask that you do the same for me.
Friends and Acquaintances
There are prohibitions against dual relationships. This generally refers to romantic relationships, sexual activity, and being good friends outside the therapeutic relationship. It may also extend to some business relationships and includes family members or significant others of either friends or clients.
If we know each other, and class each other as a good friend, I will not take you on as a client. If we are merely acquaintances, but do not know each other well, it still may be inappropriate to work together as therapist and client. We will discuss the implications of any prior interaction and knowledge of each other alongside how it might limit our friendship in the future. I will err on the side of caution and not enter a therapeutic relationship with you.
If we know each other in any capacity outside of those limits, including being former play partners, we can discuss this but again I would err on the side of caution and not take you on as a client and would refer to suitably qualified colleagues.
Public Play
As a rule, I do not usually play in public and do not attend many events, but this may change in the future. If you become a client, we will agree to share with each other any plans to attend specific public play events. After talking about it, if we still decide to go to the same event then we will set rules, including agreeing not to watch each other’s scenes.
Polyamory
If, in the context of being in non-monogamous relationships, we feel that the professional boundaries of our relationship might be compromised because of who we are dating or who our partners are dating, we will agree to inform each other and negotiate how to respond to the situation on a case-by-case basis.
Supervision and referral process
As part of my ethical practice, I have regular supervision with a kink informed supervisor. If there is an ethical concern raised in therapy, not limited to dual relationships, then this will be discussed with my supervisor as well as with you, the client. If we decide not to work together during sessions due to a conflict of interest, then I will provide details of other suitably qualified therapists.
Working with me
After reading this and if you still wish to work with me then please raise any questions and concerns you may have even if they have been covered here. I want to be able to help people within these communities in a safe and comfortable way. It will often be the case that you are wanting to work with me for reasons not related to being queer, kinky, or polyam but want a therapist where you don’t have to hide or explain that side of yourself / lifestyle. I am a full member of The College of Sex and Relationship Therapists (COSRT) and The National Counselling and Psychotherapy Society (NCPS) and abide with all of their ethical guidelines. I also regularly undertake continuing professional development (CPD) to ensure that I am up to date with best practices and new developments in my specialist areas.
I feel this managed and negotiated form of disclosure is appropriate and is preferable to an accidental crossing of boundaries.
I welcome any feedback, questions, and concerns that prospective clients and others in the community may want to share with me.